Spices For Life

Down days of my life

Its been quite some time that i have wrote my blog. I guess when i was happy or sad then i my start to write into my blog. From the day i step into the working life, i felt that i am holding to a very responsible job, a slight mistake will be scolded, as i am currently helping up my dad's job. I know to them i am a trouble person. A person that don't know much of the things that they are functioning and the major thing that is i have work quite awhile in the company and i still make mistakes. I know human i born to make mistakes but human are not born to make the same mistakes over and over agian.
I can feel and see from my dad's eyes that i only a rubbish dirt to him. As he think that i am useless and doesn't know how to do anything. Alot of people tell me that it is not true, they don't see it much as what i have seen and gone through.When i was young, my dad already don't like me, cause i am very lousy at schoolwork, always tell lies and somtimes prompt to cheat. But when i went through sec school, i wan to prove to them that i am capable on studying well and make them proud and I have proven to them, but my dad doesn't express anything or praise me at all. To my whole family beside my younger bro, the things that i do is most of the time is wrong, maybe i just stupid or what. And now i planning to go overboard to study, it is an xtra plus points that my dad dislike me more. I always have a feeling that i am not important to the family. If he so hesitating to borrow me money to study and because my mum convince him just to let me study, i rather find my own way to get the money to go study.
The reason why after i graduate, i don't feel like coming back, it is not that i hate them, it is that i don't want to come back and can't find any job from Singapore then my parents and siblings will say me and look down on me and said something that is not nice.
If they already figure out that i am a "trouble", at the first place they should have me. Now god is not on my favour, my luck is getting worst and everything just don't go smooth. If i have a choice, i will choose death as my choice to avoid my miserable life. i Know that is not the best soultion but that is the way to end it.

posted by xing @ 9:39 AM